#050 ~ Mud and Shamrocks

The following story was a dialogue between a leprechaun and an ogre. Now, I think it’s a children’s story…  ^_^

Mud and Shamrocks

Rod Tanzol

The leprechaun pranced through the swampy home of an ogre. Along with him, he carried a black, cast-iron pot filled with gold. Behind him trailed a rainbow. He swung his pot wildly as he walked. The shaking rainbow gave the swamp the appearance of a disco. However, this active motion came to a halt when he tripped over a stick sunken in the mud. The leprechaun stood up, regained his composure, and continued on his way.

The ogre heard the commotion on his swamp, and he went to investigate it. The ogre found tiny foot prints in the mud, and—where the leprechaun had fallen—a depression the size of a soccer ball. Something bright and glistening caught the Ogre’s eyes. He bent over to look at it. It was a mound of gold coins. What luck the Ogre had! However, he realized that it wasn’t his, so he would return it to its rightful owner. He didn’t know whose gold it was, but he used logic to deduce the owner. He knew that Leprechauns had vast amounts of gold, and he knew that leprechauns often passed his swamp. He then wondered how he would find the right leprechaun. He looked for the nearest rainbow to find the nearest pot of gold. He assumed that the leprechaun couldn’t be too far away.

So, the Ogre went searching. His goal was the end of the nearest rainbow he could see. He only saw one today, so his Job was fairly easy. He ran through the woods that surrounded his swamp. After seven minutes, he came to a clearing. He saw the end of the rainbow and the pot of gold. He noticed a brightly colored creature.

The leprechaun stood thirty centimeters high. The ogre towered at two meters tall. If it weren’t for the leprechaun’s bright green jacket and fiery hair, the ogre would have never noticed his shorter comrade. The ogre approached the leprechaun. The ogre held down the gold and presented himself, “Hello, sir. I’m an ogre, and I believe you dropped this in my swamp.”

The leprechaun’s face grew red with anger. He roared, “It was ye who tried stealing me gold. Ye se’ ye’r traps in yer swamp t’ get me. Ye’r an evil monster. I ought to kill ye for yer crime. Ye’r a thief!”

“It’s not like that,” pled the ogre. He explained, “I’m only returning the gold you dropped. I have no interests in stealing.”

“If ye didn’t steal me gold, how did ye get it?”

“I just told you. You dropped it, and I found it. I’m bringing it back to you.”

“Aye! ‘Ow did ye know it’ were me gold if ye di’n’t steal it.

“I used my brain. When I found it, I assumed it was leprechaun gold. So, I set out to find you. Now, here I am returning it to you.”

“Ye’r a bloody thief, an’ I know ye’r here to steal the rest. I’ll kill ye for this.”

“Please be reasonable. I’m honest. I did not steal your gold. I found it after you accidentally dropped it. I’m only trying to return it to you.”

“Oh. Do’t think I’m tha’ stupid. I see the lustfully-greedy look in ye’r eyes. Ye’r goin’ t’ kill me, an’ then take me gold. I wo’t let ye do that!”

“Please listen to me. I only wanted to return the gold that I found in the mud. I never stole anything, I don’t intend to steal anything, and I would never harm you.”

“Oh ho! Ye’r lyin’ t’ me. Ye’r goin’ t’ kill me, and I wo’t let ye.” The leprechaun attacked the ogre. Within seconds, twenty other leprechauns joined the battle. They pounded the ogre with their pots, burned him with their smoking pipes, mutilated him with their lucky charms, and regurgitated upon him thousands of shamrocks—the roots of which ripped through the ogre’s skin.  The ogre died within a minute of this mythical donnybrook.  For the next decade, the ogre, from thereon, provided nutrients for thousands of more shamrocks.